Will I Ever?

I have never kissed a boy
but I have accidentally kissed a girl.
She was my partner, a famous mud pie baker
though we never tested our pastries.
I’ve never cheated on anyone,
but I’ve cheated on tests.
Still, I’ve never gotten straight A’s,
and I’ve yet to yell at anyone who claims I have.
I’ve never shaved my head
or gotten a speeding ticket
and I’ve never gotten anything stuck in my nose.

I have never tried parkour
or been on the news.
I’ve never written a song
or gone on a cruise with my family.
They always left me behind.
Thank goodness I’ve never been hospitalized for stupidity
but I’ve been there for other things.

I’ve never had a girlfriend so I can’t cut my ear off and mail it to her.
I’ve never had much authority so I’ve never declared a war.
Never have I caused a genocide
or eaten cyanide
or taken part in a lynching mob.
I’ve never starved a nation,
changed the world,
or given the order to drop the atomic bomb.

I never liked alcohol
it tastes the way urine smells
and I will never figure out why people drink it.
I’ve never licked a door knob
(but I’ve thought about it.)
I’ve never put an ice cream cone in my back pocket
or walked the streets with a violin in a paper lunch bag.
I've never done graffiti
and I’ve never done drugs –the recreational kind.

I’ve never hit a pedestrian with my car
or jumped in front of a car while walking down the street.
I’ve never forgiven myself since my dog died
even though he was old and it wasn’t my fault at all.
I’ve never spoken my mind to someone –not really.
If they knew what I really wanted to say, no one would ever be friends with me.
I’ve never written a suicide note, or learned to tie a noose…
and I haven’t really had to.
I didn’t cry at work
when the bosses told us to speed up, and I did
then I went to fast and broke the roller coaster and got yelled at.
I did cry when I got home, though.
I’ve never told my neighbor’s fiancé that I hate him
and that she deserves someone better.
But I can’t now, they moved to Hawaii to get married.
Though it crosses my mind all the time,
I’ve never just waked away from a boring conversation without a word.
I’ve never told my dad I hate him
because that’s not all the way true
even though I wish it was.
I’ve never jumped off a bridge
or used one of their hotlines.
I’ve never really wanted to change my past.
It’s a part of me
but I wonder;
will I ever get to make amends
for the things I wish I never said?